EARTH MOTHER

- Ali Wolfe, Contributing Writing
 
“I am reading Eat, Pray, Love aloud to the baby,” I tell my friend Julia at lunch in the West Village in New York City.

“Wow. You’re going to have a really deep baby,” she responds. We both have a giggle.
I am also reading Oh, Baby, the Places You Will Go, a special Dr. Suess book my sister
Melissa bought me to be read to the baby in-utero. It describes how all the Dr. Suess characters -- The Cat in the Hat, Sam I am, Sally Who from Whoville, etc. -- are all anxiously awaiting his arrival.

Oh, yes, I am having a "he" and Brian, my husband, and I are ecstatic. Not that we wouldn’t have been if he was going to be a "she," but, instinctively, I knew he was going to be a boy (or the Little Prince, as I so fondly refer to him). Firstly, to say that my husband’s family is male-dominated would be an understatement. He is one of two boys, as is his father, and his paternal grandfather was one of three boys. As I am one of three girls, I thought it would be fun to bring a little testosterone into the mix. I always believed I needed a big brother in my life. And, finally, I just did not feel "girly."

Not that I disnt feel pretty. On the contrary, I have never felt more beautiful in my life, but, my self-awareness was saying, “boy” at around 17 weeks. I was nervous that they were going to tell me that he was a she because then I would have to entirely reprogram my brain.

Anyway, I have been reading aloud to my baby because research has proven that babies can recognize their mothers' voices while still in the womb. Even writing about it, I get the most  wonderful sensation knowing I can speak to my Little Prince and he knows it is me; instinctually. It is almost ironic that I am reading to him Elizabeth Gilbert’s beautiful novel of journey and self-discovery since that is exactly what is happening to me. This pregnancy, so far, is turning into a wonderful voyage of enlightenment for me. It’s as if my life’s path has been leading me to this exact moment, and for the first time in a long time, the energy around me is saying, “it’s ok to relax and enjoy the path to motherhood.” Nothing else seems to matter; things that seemed dramatic and important just seem trivial and inconsequential now ...

From what I have been told, nothing is more fulfilling to a woman than motherhood. And, why not? Isn’t that the reason for our organic existence?  From the first moment the baby is born, I have been told, there is an extraordinary (I do not use this word in vain) bond. I am not sure if it is because he moves about while I read to him, but my personal connection to my baby has already begun. It’s as if we are getting to know one another already. He is already a part of me. Whenever I miss him, I look at his sonogram picture. Although, it is frustrating that I cannot yet touch him, but I can feel him.

So, even as this Mother’s Day approaches, I am content with the fact that even though he is not yet on Earth, I am already a Mother.